She’s So Mormon

Conversation overheard at the gym

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Okay, so I’m teaching my spin class at the gym, right?

Right.

And there are all these ladies that come in, mostly ladies anyway, and I have the music I’ve selected and my little microphone or whatever. I sit at the front of the class and they all take their seats on their own bikes facing me.

Angie, I’ve taken a spin class before.

Shut up! So I’m teaching my class and there is this one girl who comes in. I’ve never seen her before. She’s so pretty you’d hate her. Blonde hair, blue eyes, hair in a ponytail. Super fit even though she has a couple kids (she told me that later). Huge ring on her finger. In these tight clothes, but they cover her shoulders and go past her knees. Seriously gorgeous. 

Okay.

The workout gets over and everyone is smiling. You know that rush you get when you finish a really kick-ass spin class. High fives and waves from the regulars. And the blonde girl is just standing in the back, all polite, like hands folded on her stomach, by the door while everyone leaves. It’s clear she wants to talk to me.

Okay.

So finally I’m like ‘thank you for coming to spin with me! Will you come again?’ And she actually closes the door to the room, like takes out the doorstop to let it close, and she walks over to me, and I feel like I’m the principal’s office. 

Okay, weird. What did she say?

So she goes, ‘Thank you for teaching the class. That was a great workout. I’m new to the gym and I’m trying out the different classes to see which ones are a good fit for me.’ And I say, ‘That’s great, I’m glad you liked it’ and I’m all freaked out because she closed the door, right?

Yeah, then what?

She says, ‘I was wondering if I could make one small suggestion’, and I nod, sure, I’m open to feedback. And she gives me this look like my mom used to give to me that basically says ‘oh Angie I’m so disappointed in you’. And then she goes, ‘I was disappointed that you chose some songs that are so worldly. There were a few that used a lot of profanity.’ And I took a step back cause  I was surprised, that wasn’t what I was expecting. And she kept eye contact with me and I said, ‘what was it that offended you?’ And she says ‘Well, I’m Mormon, and I try to keep good music around me that brings the spirit, not music that uses curse words or talks about drugs or alcohol or sex. Just part of my values. I have two children, and I try to keep good music around them as well.’ I mean, I’m not quoting her directly, but that was the gist. 

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Oh, god, are you serious?

She called my music ‘worldly’!

Right, they have that whole ‘in the world but not of it’ thing. I grew up Mormon.

Yes! I mean, I live in Utah so I know lots of Mormons, but this girl was so Mormon! I mean, so so so Mormon. And so I’m frustrated now. And in my head, I’m thinking ‘look, chick, this isn’t Family Home Evening. This is a spin class in a gym, not in a ward house or your stake center. And I’m not your bishop or your young women’s president. I’m a damn spin teacher, so shut your mouth and don’t come to my class if you don’t want to come to my class.’

So what did you say?

She just stood there with her arms folded, giving me that disappointed look, so I just smiled at her, and explained that I have a few preselected albums of music that I use for my classes and that I wasn’t planning on changing them. I said ‘I’m sorry you were offended. You are welcome to try another spin class, or use the bikes on your own with your own music if you would be more comfortable.’

You didn’t!

No, I did. I mean, come on, she actually closed the door so she could talk to me. Like I was in serious trouble. 

So did she say anything?

She thought for a second and I wondered for a minute if she was actually going to ask me if I, like, wanted to meet the missionaries. I was thinking, just you try it. But she just thanked me for hearing her out and said she would think about things. Then she actually shook my hand. She shook my hand! Who does that!

I can’t believe she told you she was offended by your music!

I was actually kind of proud of her. I mean, the audacity of it and all, but I think it’s kind of cool that she spoke up. But here’s the thing. After she left, I went through the songs again. There is nothing and I mean nothing bad in any of them. They are like regular songs you would hear on the radio. Barely any reference to sex, none to alcohol, and two ‘swear words’. Guess which ones?

I have no idea.

Damn. And ass.

She was offended by damn and ass?

Yes! And I haven’t checked recently, but I’m pretty positive those words are both in the Bible. ‘Damn you to hell’ and ‘Jesus rode on an ass’ or whatever. 

Wow, that’s amazing. She takes her religion very seriously.

I know! She’s so Mormon!

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One comment

  1. Kathryn · January 9, 2016

    I laughed so hard at “Yes! And I haven’t checked recently, but I’m pretty positive those words are both in the Bible. ‘Damn you to hell’ and ‘Jesus rode on an ass’ or whatever.”

    Like

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